Christmas Fantasies

I am at my favorite meeting standing near the coffee pot and He walks in. He slowly makes his way to where I am standing and I swear I feel him/smell him from a distance. I whisper that I want to roll around in my bed with him like we did last night for about 4 days and I am sure that even then I will want more. I am pretty sure an older woman hears part of this conversation but I do not care…I am getting high on thinking about it and this is a high that is legal, acceptable, yet cannot be bought.
We take our seats and it is quite distracting to see him across the room but he has taken a position that allows me to sneak eye contact frequently and I am elated to know I have a full hour to indulge in my fantasies while sneaking peaks. He feels it too…this I am sure of.
My mind wanders to last night and makes my tummy tingle. I was not sure my tummy still had the ability to tingle like this…I thought perhaps this was a feeling reserved for teenagers or persons who haven’t become hormone challenged yet. It was just last night he walked into my little nest and I want to replay it in my mind.
It is the first time we have been alone together. I know it will be intimate and have already lit the candles, started the fire, and turned on the soft music. The fact that my only main piece of furniture is my king sized bed set up in front of the fireplace makes an easy excuse to gravitate right to it. He kisses me in a way that seriously makes my toes curl. I have done a lot of kissing in my life and much of it has been done with my mind elsewhere but these kisses are such that my mind can only be on him. Maybe it’s his pheromones, maybe it’s partly the fact that I haven’t had sex in many many months….whatever. All I know is I do not want this to end. We have an unspoken agreement that there will be no clothes coming off during this first time of tasting each other. This somehow makes our kisses teasier. He is stronger than I realized and suddenly I am sure he has the most perfect body for me. I allow myself to explore only so much…is his chest hairy? Yes. Is he ticklish here? Yes. We kiss and tumble for a suspended amount of time and then it is over for now. We know there is much more to come but we want to do this right.
The meeting is over and since I have received a chip for 60 days of new sobriety it is appropriate to get hugs. He hugs me in a way that I am sure tells everyone that we have either been naked together or intend to very soon. Are people staring? I do not care. We are adults, we are single, we are going to rock.
The scene at my nest is repeated a few more times in between more meetings, dinner dates, and long phone conversations. Is this how people date when they aren’t fucked up on drugs or alcohol? I am not sure but I am sure that I will remember every detail and I will not be consumed by pitiful and remorseful demoralization afterwards. How cool is that??
It is a few days before Christmas and the last time we pried away from each other I whispered that Christmas might be a special time for us to make love. He agrees. I have no other plans for Christmas so this seems perfect. I have a few more days to play with this fantasy and continue to be high from these natural chemicals in my brain that the all knowing Universe created the ability to produce.
There will be intimate presents of this I am sure. There will be no alcohol to artificially enhance our feelings…of this I am also sure. There will be a memory made that will permanently remove the horrid association of Holidays with depression that many years of drunken episodes created for me.
Suddenly the Christmas music played in stores everywhere doesn’t make me want to rage or cry. Life feels good. Life can change. I am blessed to be given another chance at it.